It's been 4 months since my dad died. It's been 3 months since our dog died. I'd like to think that I am moving forward. Perhaps there is proof that I am since I no longer cry as I fall asleep and I no longer cry as I'm waking up. But I still cry. The sharpest pain has diminished to a dull ache, with smaller moments of sharp pain.
Every day there is an ad for upcoming father's day. Every day I get an email from a pet store. Every single day something reminds me of the pieces of my life that are missing. I can't bring myself to form the words that explain my loss. I can't say the dog's name. I can't look at photos. I can't breathe.
I am lost. Don't get me wrong, I know where I'm sitting right now (though some days when I'm waking up I'm none too certain what city I'm in...). But I 'm lost in an entirely different place. Most people who go through all this have some routine to return to. A sense of "normalcy" that I haven't had for a few years. Without that root, I find myself adrift.
I don't want people to worry about me. I don't want you to worry about me. I put on a brave face and I post one pleasant thing each day on Facebook or Instagram.
Even the worst day always has one good thing happen. Coffee - good.
Found a quarter - very good. Sunset - excellent. Ice cream - freaking
fantastic. Then there are the other 23 hours and 45 minutes to deal with. If I'm lucky, I can sleep through 6-7 hours. Which is an improvement from the four hours I was getting when I having vivid dreams about my dad and/or the dog.
Previously when I was drifting, I assigned myself tasks. Tasks like laundry, bake bread, create a book based on a vacation, etc. I'm doing laundry. I'm in Palm Springs so it's mostly t-shirts and swim suits. It takes a couple weeks to really build up a full day of distraction. We are borrowing a friend's house. It is not outfitted to really go to town and bake. Besides, I've lost my appetite and my ability to follow an entire recipe. I've tried making a list of things to work on, but I can't seem to finish making a list. Even writing this post has petered out and I can't remember where I was headed when I started it, and so I don't know how to end it.
I'm killing time. I'm letting myself heal. At least I hope I am.
Showing posts with label Cooper. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cooper. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 09, 2015
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Mr Cooper 2003-2015
We never went searching for a third dog. Mr Cooper found us, and what a lucky find he made. He was not an easy dog. He came with damage, fear and baggage. We spent money and time to bring him out of his shell. In a strange way, his joy and his affection meant more because they were so hard won.
This is why he got a brand new squeaky ball every single morning. It was the first thing we found that gave him joy. SUCH JOY! And so we decided that for about $1 a day, he should have that kind of joy.
There are many stories to share of our life with Mr Cooper. But today we mourn the loss of that life together. Today, we celebrate that life we had together. Together is what we were with Cooper, like a third arm, every place we went, and every room in the house, there he was.
Please enjoy a small portion of the love and joy Cooper brought to our lives.
Mr Cooper Movie from 101 Graphics on Vimeo.
This is why he got a brand new squeaky ball every single morning. It was the first thing we found that gave him joy. SUCH JOY! And so we decided that for about $1 a day, he should have that kind of joy.
There are many stories to share of our life with Mr Cooper. But today we mourn the loss of that life together. Today, we celebrate that life we had together. Together is what we were with Cooper, like a third arm, every place we went, and every room in the house, there he was.
Please enjoy a small portion of the love and joy Cooper brought to our lives.
Mr Cooper Movie from 101 Graphics on Vimeo.
Monday, June 04, 2012
Welcome to Palm Springs!
These are a few of the random pics I have posted in our first two weeks in Palm Springs:
view full image "To all who enjoyed last year, to all who would like to enjoy this year: pineapple vodka martinis are on their way!"
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"This was my fortune today. My first reaction, "Oh god, I hope not!""
(taken at Just Deserts)
(taken at Just Deserts)
Monday, May 14, 2012
Farewell to Mammoth
Saturday, May 05, 2012
Mr Cooper is "mostly" happy to see us
Yes, he's actually thrilled to see us, but first we must be told off. And I promise you, he did. We got quite an earful, and then many, many kisses.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Dog Mecca
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"No matter where he lays in the house, his head must ALWAYS be pointed at the kitchen. "
(taken at 13 White Pines Dr, Mammoth, CA)
(taken at 13 White Pines Dr, Mammoth, CA)
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Tan-tastic!
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"Mr Cooper says, "It's a great day to catch some rays.""
(taken at 13 White Pines Dr, Mammoth, CA)
(taken at 13 White Pines Dr, Mammoth, CA)
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
Mr Cooper's Boots
I tried to upload these videos before from my phone and they didn't work. So I am trying again. The internet is so slow where I am. It wouldn't take the video that is 45 seconds long. It gave up after 24 hours of "processing". So here's the one that is 10 seconds long.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Morning view
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"Enjoying my morning view of Mr Cooper enjoying his morning view. "
(taken at 13 White Pine)
Monday, February 13, 2012
Thursday, February 02, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Make yourself at home
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"Some would call it a catbird seat, but Mr Cooper says its a dogbird seat. "
(taken at 13 White Pine)
Friday, January 13, 2012
Sunday, January 08, 2012
Sunday, December 25, 2011
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