Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Bad Blogger, no biscuit!

Forgive me readers for I have sinned. It's been over a week since I wrote anything!

I have no good reason other than I just didn't want to. I think I've been feeling a little anti-social (not tear down street signs and paint graffiti, just the opposite of social) and that has rolled over from my in-person life, to this on-line life.

And since I have not fully shed that moment, I probably won't write much more...

But I can't leave you hanging. I have a special treat.

A very good friend of mine wrote me what I think was the funniest e-mail in quite some time. I asked him if I could share it here and he never replied.

So I wont' tell you his name. But I will tell you that if you combined the flair of Auntie Mame, the style of Edna E. Mode and the distaste that Kathy Griffin has for children, stirred them up in a gay man's body... Voilá!

Here is the missive I received. Please, stop guessing who it is. If you're guessing you already know and it so unattractive on you.

It is Saturday in Moscow and the sun is shinning! There are no bread lines or women waiting for their children. I am in the newly developed area to see and be seen in. The gay bois are in full regalia of Gucci, Pucci and Fiorucci. Short shorts are the pièce de résistance with a plunging V neck.

Yoko Ono is having a show and I went this morning. If you can believe it, no crowds. I and one other person, Frank a cute German, were the only ones there. Russians don't understand high art or Yoko as I do. I love her!!! Yes I have the Yoko remix mp3.

My trip to Paris was fantastic. It was a full flight. Tons of teens going to Paris for the first time. Their passports were sooo shiny and new. I met. group of girls with their gay. A cute teen boy with a Vidal Sassoon bob and skinny jeans. They asked all kinds of questions and I was only too happy to advise.

My list of guidelines for your first trip to Paris, for cute teens:
1) Always look cute on the plane. Being cute and stylish gets you better seating.
2) High heels! You can always take them off once seated. If you are running to catch a plane, you are more likely to get a golf cart to the gate.
3) Grey charcoal for the eyes. You disguise the jet lag better that way and it looks like you were up all night doing Heroin. Hey, it works for Kate.

Once in Paris:
Do not buy souvenirs for friends and family. For one your friends are already jealous and talking shit about you. Oh, she thinks she is all that because she went to Paris, blah, blah, blah.
Besides the Eiffel Tower key chain will end up in a drawer or at a charity sale for tourretes.
Save all your money for an afternoon at the Hotel Coste or Park Hyatt. Hang out in the lobby drinking tea or cappuccinos. You can catch all the celebs. Then off to Colette for music and a little trinket for your self.

Your friends would really prefer to hear how you spent your day with fashionistas and cute French actors. Lose the class group and blame it on distraction. There was much more but I will have to share with you later.

I love influencing the Young!!


The T-Dude said...


And a similar piece of advice for London. Tea time at the Ritz is a wonderful experience.

Rachel said...

LOL! I don't have any advice for China except to enjoy the pork bun and learn how to bargain!