Brother, can you spare a billion?

In the past I have been a little fiscally irresponsible. However I have seen (some) of the errors of my ways and we have been working hard to pay off debt and live on cash, not credit cards. It can be difficult at times being self employed. Often a client owes you money and doesn't pay you the day you complete your work. Technically you have earned enough money, but it won't be here for three weeks. So you bust out the credit card to get by and promise you will pay it when the money arrives. Well that's how it should work in theory.

Now we are managing it better at the moment and things are looking good. As long as I still have work and clients. But these times are indeed troubling.

Because I am newly responsible, I am looking ahead to a day when my financial empire could crumble. I am not expecting it to, but everyone (and every company) should be wise enough to have a "what if" plan and know your options.

I've decided to put my hand out now before the trouble comes. If the government is giving out money because a business is too big to fail (and how did that happen again? Mega mergers approved by...? Oh yeah, the government.) then I would like to point out my vast financial empire and its far reaching impact.

If I go under we will have to let go of the housekeeper. She will stop sending money to El Salvador and a nation will topple. Save me in the interest of global stability.

If I go under I will have to let go of the gardener. I believe he employs former gang members and with no legitimate income they will return to the streets. Save me in the interest of domestic stability.

If I go under I will no longer be able to go out to eat. Save me for the sake of the farmers in rural America.

If I go under I will be forced to stop shopping. Multiple sweat shops in Asia will go out of business. Save me for the sake of the Children.

If I go under I will no longer be able to keep up my beauty regime of facials, waxing, nail salons or highlighting. Save me for the sake of the most vulnerable in our society, save me for the sake of the gays. (Or your eyes, think of your own precious eyes!)

I am sick of hearing about "Wall Street" versus "Main Street". Is there any barrier any more? As far as I can see the only difference is influence. Apparently "main street" doesn't have any say in how things are run but Main street is the one getting dumped on and has to fix all the ills of Wall street. I feel like an abused spouse. Beat me up, tell me I don't know anything, blame me for being greedy and then make me clean up the mess you made. Hey thanks Wall street.

If anyone knows of a nice shelter in Europe, let me know. You'd be surprised how fast I could pack my things and get the hell out of here.