Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Smoke 'em if you got 'em


Hi, my name is Jim, and I am an iPhone addict.

When Lyle got his first Palm Trio phone and could check email on it I hated that phone. That phone showed up everywhere. At dinners, in the car, on the beach, non-stop checking in on who, what and where. "PUT DOWN THE DAMN PHONE!"

Rules were made.
No phone at the dinner table.
No phone reading while driving.
No phone while watching TV.

I used to take that phone away from him if he didn't obey the rules.

Then that clever man went and convinced me to get an iPhone with him.

Do you know what you can do with an iPhone? Or better yet, do you know anything you can't do with an iPhone?
Email, Text messages, Photos, Restaurant reservations, GPS maps, Directions, Movies, Music, Facebook, weather, calculator, games, crossword puzzles, find a taxi, capture unknown music, watch for speed traps, find a nightclub, get the news, get movie tickets, watch youtube videos, flashlight, calendar, timer, fashion shows, and so much more!

I can't put it down.

I've come to realize that iPhones are the new cigarettes.

You're cool if you have an iPhone.

• You wake up in the morning, fumble around the nightstand to find iPhone, then "light up" to check email before you even put on your glasses.
• In between showering and shaving you "light up" for facebook.
• While having morning coffee, sit down with cup, pull out iPhone and "light up" for blog reading.
• Get in car, start car and while a.c cools off car, "light up" for directions.
• To be polite you walk outside of a building and then "light up" for text messaging.
• "Light up" quickly outside restaurant for second hit of email before lunch.
• After lunch the whole table "lights up" to compare notes on all the emails, Facebook updates, blogs they read that morning.
• You "light up" while at work secretly behind your desk.
• Sometimes you can't find your iPhone and you panic.
• Your fingers itch waiting to "light up" your iPhone.
• If you can't find your iPhone, you'll bum an iPhone off of someone else to use it.
• Get home, greet the family, say you need a minute to calm down, then lie in bed all "lit up" to soothe your mind.
• When you arrive at the table for dinner you have to put your phone out.
• As soon as dinner is over, you "light up" while clearing the table.
• One or two hits during TV viewing.
• Then, right before bed, maybe even while you are laying in bed, you take your last long pulls on that delicious iPhone and drift off to sleep.

Much like a smoker, I can see that these habits aren't necessarily healthy, but my attitude is if you don't like it, don't look. It's my life and I am enjoying it. No, I do not want the name of your hypnotherapist. No I do not want the damn patch. Fine, I WILL go outside with the other iPhone addicts so you don't have to be bothered! That's where all the cool kids are anyway!!

9 comments:

A Lewis said...

I couldn't agree more. And our lives sound quite parallel. I used to impose the same rules....but that was before I had my own. Believe me, I understand....100%. Now, excuse me....GrindR is calling...

Sherri said...

Thus do I cling to my Blackberry SO MUCH.

(Btw, Mr. Jim, such gossip did Mr. Guy relate to me about youuuu...;) )

Lyle said...

its all true!!!!

"Just David!" said...

But I just got a blackberry, I'll never keep up now!!!

dit said...

Jim, it is so true. We both have iPhones and we have to make ourselves put them down. These things get more action than a porn star. Lol

Rachel said...

And this is one of the reasons I keep my phone simple and cheap.

Derek M. said...

Chuck F'n Norris fears the iPhone.

I left mine at Starbucks the other day and after a moment of shear terror returned to find a shrine had been erected around it by the friendly local baristas.

Frontier Psychiatrist said...

Can you set an alarm on it to go off in 65 days, 10 hours, 4 minutes, and 19 seconds? (In case you've forgotten about the Kylie concert?)

KT said...

My mum got one recently and finally I'm jealous and actually want one. Being stuck in a conversation between 2 iPhone users when you have none is hell sometimes. They're great bits of kit but man, people showing it off can be painfully obnoxious. XD

That said, wonderful as they are, that much money on a phone terrifies me. And I need a macbook more. (And the next Gen is going to have killer Augmented Reality stuff in it, they've told the devs to hold off making those aps for now because they'll be better on the next gen. I think that'll be the one that snags me.)

I have however been coaching my mum on how to keep her macbook pro and iPhone both slick and tidy and also full of awesome things. Most amusing 'useful for anything moment' recently: At my sisters wedding party in the evening, Dad somehow didn't expect for him and his group to be asked to sing a few numbers for everyone and so left the pitch-pipe in the hotel. But mum had a tuner ap with a built in pitch-pipe function, so my Dad's acappella trio got their starting note from that.

Bless you, Apple.